Stay True. Stay You.

I cannot keep up with time.. I don't know what it is but death is easily the hardest thing in this world to even possibly begin to understand. I'll never know why it is a part of life that we must all go through. I know the Bible says why and I know there are answers. But, no matter what I am told, there's no reasons or answers that could ever justify what it feels like to loose someone who meant the world to you and to watch every person in your family just hurt and ache. It is unbearable. I wish more than anything that I could take the pain away. I wish I could bring her back and hold her hand. To comfort her and kiss her. To listen to her stories and say prayers. I wish I could be half the woman that she was, just half. Why cant the impossible be possible sometimes? Since Wednesday, actually April 28th, I have watched my sweet aunt Donna suffer. From lung cancer to COPD to adrenal failure, her little tiny body just started shutting down. May 31st is a day that I will never in my life be able to forget. I lost my aunt Donna to Him at 7:30 this morning. With all of us by her side for almost 36 hours she finally stopped fighting and gave up. Honestly, she was such a miracle to be around as long as she was. Every single holiday we would get treat bags that were literally filled with candy, on birthdays it was either a Walmart gift certificate or a bag full of dollar store JUNK from socks to seeds for the yard. That woman was surely heaven sent and anyone that knew her would easily agree. Instead of work, she volunteered. Instead of receiving, she gave. Boy, did she give. Any present that was given to her she would return and donate the money to charity. She belonged to a church and devoted her life to it and Jesus Christ. The world needs more people like my aunt Donna which is why I don't understand the reasoning for her to leave this Earth. The saying that says "only the good die young," is simply the truth. 71 was too early for her to leave behind 4 children, 8 grandchildren, and all of us. She was the wittiest, sweetest, kindest, most genuine thing to ever walk this earth. Yesterday, while we were laying around her bed and sharing stories and laughs, Jen came across a letter she had typed to her daddy that she never got to know. In the letter she said something to the extent of: "If I had a daddy this is what I would say to him: Dear Daddy, I don't feel very good and I think I am ready to see you." We don't know when it was typed as there is no date which bothers me. I knew she was in pain and I knew that she was suffering but I never knew how bad or serious. I just don't understand any of this. The nurses blindsided all of us. They told us one thing and someone else told us another. I knew she was going to leave us but I had no idea it would be this soon. She was pushed around from hospital to nursing home for over a month. She waited to be home comfortably in her bed and all of her children to be beside her before she finally gave up her battle. She was a little warrior and she sure as heck was stronger than her little body made her seem. Her voice is probably what I will miss most. Everything she said gently lingered off her tongue and not a foul word exited, ever. One thing aunt Donna mentioned in the letter she typed was how she longed to feel what it was like to run and jump into a daddy's arms. Her hugs weren't big nor tight but they were just enough to let you know that not another soul in the world could love you the way that she could. One simple hug could from her could give you a comforting feeling like nothing else in the world. She was an angel on Earth and now she is soaring in the sky with our Michael. She's finally with her daddy and mommy and everyone else we have lost. She's finally able to release the carbon dioxide out of her body and breathe without a struggle. She's finally free and at peace, but we, we are not even close to that. Thank God she taught us all so many different things because in that alone I know her legacy will forever live on. I LOVE YOU AUNT DONNA and I pray to GOD you are finally resting in peace.