Why?

Why do people go looking for things that they know will hurt them? Why is it so hard to decide what someone wants in their life? Why do people purposely offend others? What happened to this world?

I have always had this mother instinct in me that really is unexplainable. I feel like my 14 year old brother is my son. I am 22 for the love of God, I'm not that old. I have such a passion for helping people it really doesn't make sense to me (most of the time). I can't fix everyone's problems but for some reason I think I can. All the while, I'm ignoring my own. I just don't understand how one person can take on such a load and not be crushed. I don't get it. Why can't I fix everyone's problems? Why are there no answers but everyone spends all of their life searching for them? Why am I questioning everything right now? In a discussion post this woman said if you believe in heaven and God you lose nothing, if you don't believe in heaven and God, and the two are real, you lose everything. How true is that?! I am watching a family that I love dearly suffer so bad and in such a hardship that I am truly questioning Gods work. I don't know if that is something I should admit publically but it's happening, right now. I want to make it all better for them, I want to comfort them, I want to promise them that everything is going to be okay, but I don't know if that's the case. I know there is always someone out there who has it worse but that does not in any way, make this justifiable. I guess when you're in doubt and have no idea what to do you get on your knees and pray. Pray to God. For hope, help, and strength. The power of prayer works, this much I do know. 


I forgot how amazing it is to reconcile with friends. Those 30 minute phone calls about absolutely nothing might just be my absolute favorite thing in the entire world.

Yesterday marked two years or 740 days without my beautiful, sassy, true lovin gran. I hate you cancer.

I know God works in mysterious ways but this girl needs to know why. Pronto.


X, Ashley!