Comfort. One word. Big meaning. I find comfort in knowing that people literally trust me with their lives. What I mean is that they are comfortable enough to share every raw detail or their life in hopes that I will have the answers they're looking for in return. Of course I want to say yes, that I can do that for them, and I usually can. But. And I mean a big BUT, that's not always the case. Which leads me to my Rachel. Mind you this is my friend who wouldn't dare smash a fly or can't handle confrontation from an angry customer. 

On September 18, 2013, Rachel and her husband welcomed a sweet little boy named Michael Anthony. But, for only a short 100 minutes. 100 minutes Rachel got to breathe in the same air as her little boy and watch the life she created live. As a parent, I couldn't tell you what I would do. The second your bundle of joy lays on your chest the entire world stops spinning and the whole room goes white and the sound is mute. In those 5 seconds you feel the life you made welcome itself in this big ol world. Nothing in the world matters. The world stands still except for your crying baby. But then there's Michael. Barely any lungs and no shot at life or a chance at survival. How do you grasp those words without wanting to shatter into 400 pieces? You can't. I'm never thankful for someone dying but I am thankful to know Michael's parents and to be apart of his life as he forever lives on. I don't see things the same, I don't react to things the same, I'm not even the same. All because of an impact made by a newborn baby in only 100 minutes at that. 

How do you help a friend cope with the loss of their own child? How do you promise her worries will be gone when being a parent is the greatest gift anyone can receive? How do you give answers when you have no idea what they could possibly be? You can't. You can't at all. You trust the lords path, his timing, and his words and you hope and pray that in time the pain eases. I wish I had answers. I wish I had reasons. 

Knowing little Michael survived even for one hour and fourty minutes when that was said to be impossible brings joy to my heart. My big Michael did his job. He listened to my prayers and he let Rachel and AJ feel the love that only a child can give. 

My only hope is that it doesn't take such a tragedy to make you change your viewpoints and outlooks. Don't ever judge someone or hurt anyone. You never know what kind of battle they could be fighting. Little Michael changed everyone. People he didn't even know. 

That's a miracle in itself y'all. 

So no, I don't have all the answers and not a soul will but I know in time all wounds are healed, not sealed completely, but healing. More & more everyday. God needed little Michael more than Rachel. Maybe to play catch with my Michael. Who would ever know. 

Until we meet in heaven my Michaels... Rest so easy in so much peace <3

Believe

I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, trust me. But I also believe that with every bad situation good always follows. I could not, will not, would not, even try to understand this rollercoaster I've been on for 5 months but I will tell you one thing: every single time I get close to something I get it snatched right away from me. Like I'm being teased. By God though? How do you justify something like that? You can't. So instead, I will take the bad and trust that there is good. I'm learning to be thankful for the little bit I do get (even if it's a short amount of time) rather than nothing at all. "It's better to have loved once than not at all." I suppose? 

I don't know why things happen the way they do and I'm not gonna even try to. I do know that life has a funny way of teaching lessons, even if it means knocking you flat on your face. Fall seven times stand up eight they say. 

Trust the path even if you don't know where it leads.. Sounds easy.. Walk down a sidewalk late at night and see how uneasy you feel. Life is portrayed to be so easy when really it's the hardest thing to understand. Something as simple as a smile can make someone's whole entire 24 hour day? But something as bad as a dirty look can ruin it too? Good and bad y'all. Life is one big, hypocritical, controversial, weird thing. But it's beautiful. Anywhere you are, any time of your day, you can turn a direction and find a beautiful site. I will guarantee that. That's life. And that's beautiful. 

God sends his toughest battles to his strongest soliders... Makes sense. But damn, I'm tired of fighting. Can the war be over? 

When you find someone that makes you smile, hold on like hell. When you find someone who makes you look forward to tomorrow, fight like hell. When you find someone who has all of the answers, LOVE like hell. Don't ever let a good thing slip away being stuck on a bad. 

Lesson learned. The hard way. 

Trust, TRUST, that there is always good followed by bad. Stop trying, start doing. Time is moving even when you are standing still. Stop thinking, wondering, hoping, and pretending. Just live. It's a free gift and you can spend it however you want too. 

My broken heart has taught me so many things, it's just about time I start listening to it so it can be whole again. 

I used to believe that true love was a friendship set on fire. No. Not at all. There's a fine line between a lover and a friend. When the two cross though, the whole world could be set on fire it's so pure. Find that. I want to find that. And the best part is, I ALMOST did. After losing every thing I thought I wanted I truly know just exactly what I do forever want. And my bad broken heart taught me that very good thing. 

Pray y'all. I can't even begin to express how much it can do. Pray. Every single chance you get <3

Best,

Ash

To be beautiful in this skin

Two hardcore common solid facts you need to know: I use song quotes daily, for everything, and I am so self conscious I even doubt my writing. Aka: blogging.

But anyways.
I struggled for 6 years in a bad relationship, an on and off one at that, obvi. But, I'm out and that's all that matters. And by bad I mean lying, cheating, mentally abusive, miserably, bad. 
But anyways, again.
Now that I'm out I am supposed to be this miraculously happy go lucky peachy gal right? Wrong. Sadly, stress is the only reason I have ever been content with my weight. Because of stress I was able to weigh my lowest and be my smallest. Nothing to brag about I know but I am speaking truths here. I want to be skinny, so so so bad. But, for all the wrong reasons. I always, I mean always, want to be someone I am not. Why? The "h" "e" "double hockey sticks" if I know! I want to be like his new girlfriend or in Miranda's words "more like her." Pathetic, trust me, I am aware. I can't help it. If she has long hair I think I need to have long hair, if she weighs 105 then I want to stop eating so I can weigh 105. Ew, gross right? My awful past relationship made it into this blog for a reason and here's why: HE made me feel like I wasn't good enough. HE made me feel like I wasn't small enough. It was even HE who has said some of the most horrific words that who knew even existed, ABOUT ME! And guess to who? Those girls. Those girls I so wrongfully want to be like. And ya wonder why? Hmmm!

But guess what my friends..... I woke up. I woke up from the nightmare I lived for way too long and I decided to put on some pretty big girl panties. And I decided that if I let go of every (possible) grudge that I have (there's only one exception) I would no longer feel this way. So, what did I do? I, Ashley Morris, became the bigger person for once. I apologized when needed, I accepted apologies when given, and I forgave and forgot (not completely) so that I could have a heart that was free from hate. It was then, when I stopped hating those girls that I finally, started to feel beautiful. And to be happy. Now, I'm not saying I am okay with my weight, that's not true at all, but what I am saying is this:
Until I can get to my goal weight (the healthy way) and have that "dream body," I am perfectly, happily, thoroughly content with this gal underneath her skin. And it has been a long time comin' that I can truthfully say those words. 
It's not just the looks that matter though. If you can't lay your head down every night on the pillow and be completely satisfied with every word that came out of your mouth that day and every action that you performed than I encourage you to go on this journey with me to better yourself. I want to be such a good person that when other people talk bad about me there's no way anyone would even think about believing it. 

I can't stand when guys can make a girl feel so terrible about herself just by words that they speak. And I even more, can't stand when a guy has enough authority over a girl to veer her thoughts and make her question her own morals. I have spent the "off" time in my bad relationship somehow pushing away every good and true "thing" that has ever entered my life. I am so used to "bad" I never wanted "good." Well, not anymore. I finally realized what I deserve, who I want to be, and what I want from this life.
I'm not here to bad mouth him or make him out to be this monster. I want to show you ALL what I went through without having to share every blunt gory detail. And quite honestly it doesn't matter how much I say.... This is my blog and these are my thoughts. These are my reasons. And these are my somewhat personal not so private explanations. After all, that's just what blogging is. 
I'll never allow someone to have that much control over me and I will never allow someone to break me down to a person I don't even know. This is me and I want to be beautiful (inside and out) in this skin. And that my peeps is JUST what I am doing. No need to rush into a relationship with someone I don't even know (cough cough) when I can better myself and let the right one find me, on my time, and my standards. 
It's got to be a sad feeling to be so lonely that someone would settle for just anything. If it's not everything it just ain't happenin'
Take on this journey with me and lets be the best "you" we can possibly be!

XXXXXXXo

Tomorrow, I'm forcing myself to hit publish. Tonight, however, I just can't do it. Ahhhh, the suspense. My gah, I am the truest definition of ridic.

Y'all love me though, 'cus I love y'all. 
Get. Ready.

Happiness don't drag it's feet.

Kip Moore says it best. So that's why this is titled so. 

The dumb famous saying "YOLO" is seriously stupid. You don't only live once. You die once. Everyday we wake up we are given a chance to live, all over again. And everyday I wake up and some days are just so much easier. I can wake up feeling the same sting I did when I fell asleep and I can wake up in a mood that could make the devils feet shake. Don't ask me why because I'm not even halfway sure but I know one thing: everyday I wake up I'm given a chance to make the rest of my life the best of my life from that day on. And trust me, I try. 

I struggle everyday with what I think happiness should be or what I need to do to be happy when in reality everyone makes their own kind of happy. Some people are perfectly happy living a lie and being miserable and others are perfectly happy doing something about it. Both were me. I forced myself to be "happy" but the fake smile and the sadness in my eyes gave that away. Daily. But there's a catch. I'm not happy now, now that I did something about it. And because "happiness don't drag it's feet, and time moves faster than you think," I'm tired of trying to be happy instead of just BEING THAT! 

I have found two quotes that I adore. More than anything so I'll share. I find myself literally able to carry on because of wise words spoken by others. And other friends who always, always know just what to say. There's only a select few of you but let me tell you, you all are my rock. And every bit of my tiny strength I have. Especially that beautiful three year old of mine!

My two favorite yet, so enjoy. 

Best always,

Ash

Just too long!

Oh my GAH, tomorrow marks two MONTHS of no randomness and pointless words flowing from my fingers to this screen. What in the Sam Allen heck has gotten into me y'all? So much has changed since the last time I created a post. To share or not to share is the real question. I  might as well share since my posts will obviously be centered around one thing: my new life led by Kayden O'Dell, the way it should have always been. 
I can't tell you how to live your life nor would I ever try but I can tell you from my prospective that an unhappy, unhealthy, miserable life shouldn't be accepted. By anyone. I know they say if you threw all of your problems into a jar and saw everyone else's you would realize things aren't quite as bad as they seem, however, that doesn't settle so easy in my mind. I know someone out there is fighting for their life, taking their last breath, and suffering more than me but that doesn't mean I don't have any problems of my own. You may wonder why I am rambling or stating irrelevant facts but the true fact of the matter is this: My problems are mine, they make me suffer, and I personally think 6 years of settling is just too long.
In late June I decided regretfully, somewhat selfishly, and fearlessly to end my on-and-off relationship of 6 years. With a lot of thought, LITERAL DAY DREAMING, and nothing but pure confusion, I packed my things within hours and threw away 2,190 days worth of broken bitterness. I know way deep down at the farthest point of my heart I made the right decision but right now, all I can seem to feel is doubt, lonesome, and fear. We share a little life together. We parent the most beautiful, innocent, darling little boy mankind could know. And because of ME, his life is now filled with separation, brokenness, and utter confusion. As a parent there's ONE main duty and that is to protect your child. If you wonder why I am so torn between staying and leaving it is simply for the fact that now I can no longer protect my child from all of the hurt, emptiness, and challenges he will face now that he has to be co-parented. 
So, now I'm here. Alone, raising a three year old, working, and doubling up in school. I take on such a heavy load because if you think for one second I can stand to be left to ponder in my thoughts, you are NUTS. I thought as soon as I left him I would have this sudden urge of happiness but I don't. At all. I spend all of my BUSY days thinking about what could of been all the while knowing that if they should have been they would have. I also spend all of my days thanking the good lord for my sweet real life, loving, charming, angel. I am struggling so hard to find myself and my own happiness that the only "good" feeling I have yet to feel is pure freedom. I seek to people for advice, a good novel to escape my thoughts, and my family to be my backbone when some days I feel like I can't walk. And let me tell you it helps, more than any amount of words can express but it just never seems to be enough. I still cry myself to sleep, I still hurt, and search for things I'm better of not seeing, and at the same time I get angry because there is not another soul to blame except myself, because I am the one that left. And then, just like that, I remember HE was the reason why I left. This is his fault, and just as quick as things get bad  they suddenly become easier when the weight is taken off of me. More than happiness, I pray that I have what it takes to raise a young man that knows the difference between right and wrong. So much, that he can appreciate me for leaving one day, and may he forever be wise enough to understand why I grew to hate the "man" he calls "dad."  
THAT, is what I struggle with. Will my son hate me? Will he one day understand me? Should I go back? Is leaving really better than staying? Is this really it? All these questions leave me clueless. I rely on a three year old to provide all of these answers for me (figuratively speaking).

I can only hope that with time I can laugh instead of cry, smile instead of hurt, and love instead of hate. I pray for a heart that can love through the bad and always see the good in people. As soon as I can stop hating him, I can start loving me. So until then,  I guess here's to you Kayman, you are my only and EVERY bit of happiness I have. And quite frankly, MORE than I need and deserve.



Life is good, even though I haven't quite convinced myself to believe it, yet.

Free

It's been awhile, and I don't know why. Maybe it's the moving, unpacking, and drastic life changes or maybe, just maybe it's because my thoughts could kill me. 

Not knowing what to do in life and where to go is hard, but it's even harder when you're deciding for two. I don't know what I want, or who I'm supposed to be, or what to even think right now. But, I do know one thing, my child has showed me no matter what I did or will do he will always be my biggest fan. I love that little boy, more than humanly possible. 

It drives me crazy that I'm so hard headed. I swear I know what I want, who I am, and what to be like, when in reality I sure as heck don't. I make permanent decisions on temporary circumstances and I hurt, actually destroy, people along the way. I feel like that is all I know how to do. It's terrible and most definitely unintentional. I don't know how to fix it but I know I can't live with the regret bottled in me any longer. I'm publicly saying sorry to all of the people that I owe it to, and I really should be saying more.   

I don't know what I want and never have. But I do know what love is and I know what it is supposed to feel like. In a way I feel free from all the negativity, drama, and bitterness but in a way I also feel so utterly lost. 

Life changes everyday. And waits for no one. 

Timing really is everything. 

All the best,

Ash

I don't even have time for this blog. BUT, what in the living HELL is Jenna thinking. I could die right now. I hate Collin. This can't be real life. I am so totally #teamMatty and now my life is over. Awkard. Completely.        

           

Well, after laying my aunt Donna to rest yesterday I must admit I am on a wild rollercoaster full of 50,000 different emotions. My heart aches that I wont have anymore thoughtful gifts, goody bags, or the most amazing company at every occasion. Her smile could light up the entire world and she was the most perfect child of God ever created. I will never understand why this happened to her. Ever. I have been so overwhelmed and busy but at the same time I have been living in slow motion. Always on the go. Always doing something. Always going somewhere. I wish I could sit down, relax, plan in my planner, blog on my blogger, and listen to endless stories told by the sweet little lady who went to be with the lord. I hate death. I hate all that comes with it. I have never understood it and I don't think I ever will. I wonder where my family is at and if everyone made it home safely as they traveled back home. I wonder what my aunt Donna is doing right now at this very moment. I wonder how bad this storm is going to be and if everyone I love and know and even the ones I don't, if they will stay safe. I wonder why the good die young and why bad HAS to happen to good people. Why why why why why? I feel so lost and alone right now and I know it is just part of the grieving. Not much seems to really make sense to me lately (probably because my mind is an endless rut that never stops).   The highlight of my week has been Pinterest. STUPID or what?!?!? I have let Pinterest consume endless hours of daydreaming, wedding planning, and baby fevering occur. I am actually writing down every ingredient to all of the newest recipes I posted (well, I was) so I can test them all out and change things up a bit. Friday is my grocery shopping day so I am actually planning ahead, for once. I keep promising myself I am going to be this great organized mom, house keeper, and girlfriend. It hasn't worked out even slightly. Life has a way of throwing curve balls. That, or I am not meant to be "that" type of a mom or person.   Oh, and as I prepare to go to all of these graduations, I literally want to puke at the thought of having been graduated for 4 years now. I'm old and grown. The two things I do NOT want to be at all.  

I cannot keep up with time.. I don't know what it is but death is easily the hardest thing in this world to even possibly begin to understand. I'll never know why it is a part of life that we must all go through. I know the Bible says why and I know there are answers. But, no matter what I am told, there's no reasons or answers that could ever justify what it feels like to loose someone who meant the world to you and to watch every person in your family just hurt and ache. It is unbearable. I wish more than anything that I could take the pain away. I wish I could bring her back and hold her hand. To comfort her and kiss her. To listen to her stories and say prayers. I wish I could be half the woman that she was, just half. Why cant the impossible be possible sometimes? Since Wednesday, actually April 28th, I have watched my sweet aunt Donna suffer. From lung cancer to COPD to adrenal failure, her little tiny body just started shutting down. May 31st is a day that I will never in my life be able to forget. I lost my aunt Donna to Him at 7:30 this morning. With all of us by her side for almost 36 hours she finally stopped fighting and gave up. Honestly, she was such a miracle to be around as long as she was. Every single holiday we would get treat bags that were literally filled with candy, on birthdays it was either a Walmart gift certificate or a bag full of dollar store JUNK from socks to seeds for the yard. That woman was surely heaven sent and anyone that knew her would easily agree. Instead of work, she volunteered. Instead of receiving, she gave. Boy, did she give. Any present that was given to her she would return and donate the money to charity. She belonged to a church and devoted her life to it and Jesus Christ. The world needs more people like my aunt Donna which is why I don't understand the reasoning for her to leave this Earth. The saying that says "only the good die young," is simply the truth. 71 was too early for her to leave behind 4 children, 8 grandchildren, and all of us. She was the wittiest, sweetest, kindest, most genuine thing to ever walk this earth. Yesterday, while we were laying around her bed and sharing stories and laughs, Jen came across a letter she had typed to her daddy that she never got to know. In the letter she said something to the extent of: "If I had a daddy this is what I would say to him: Dear Daddy, I don't feel very good and I think I am ready to see you." We don't know when it was typed as there is no date which bothers me. I knew she was in pain and I knew that she was suffering but I never knew how bad or serious. I just don't understand any of this. The nurses blindsided all of us. They told us one thing and someone else told us another. I knew she was going to leave us but I had no idea it would be this soon. She was pushed around from hospital to nursing home for over a month. She waited to be home comfortably in her bed and all of her children to be beside her before she finally gave up her battle. She was a little warrior and she sure as heck was stronger than her little body made her seem. Her voice is probably what I will miss most. Everything she said gently lingered off her tongue and not a foul word exited, ever. One thing aunt Donna mentioned in the letter she typed was how she longed to feel what it was like to run and jump into a daddy's arms. Her hugs weren't big nor tight but they were just enough to let you know that not another soul in the world could love you the way that she could. One simple hug could from her could give you a comforting feeling like nothing else in the world. She was an angel on Earth and now she is soaring in the sky with our Michael. She's finally with her daddy and mommy and everyone else we have lost. She's finally able to release the carbon dioxide out of her body and breathe without a struggle. She's finally free and at peace, but we, we are not even close to that. Thank God she taught us all so many different things because in that alone I know her legacy will forever live on. I LOVE YOU AUNT DONNA and I pray to GOD you are finally resting in peace.

 

Ya I'm weird.

I'm obsessed with dark hair, Justin Timberlake, dolphins, anything purple, tattoos, anchors, dachshunds, OPI, the sound of the beach specifically at night, sushi, Henri Bendil, fishing, MAC, long hair, smiling, sleeping, Jessica Simpson, curls, board games, long walks, airplanes, shopping, Paris, Maxi dresses, reading, ball caps, & the list never ends. No, really I could keep going. 

If you haven't seen Dolphin Tale... You are freakin' crazy. Go see it. Like now. 

Mommy talk!

The best things in life really do come free. Nothing in this entire world gives me the feeling that my three year old son can. No amount of money or materials could ever even compare.

 

I dropped him off at daycare this morning at 8:50 which is 40 minutes earlier than normal and didn't pick him up until 5:40 which is 2 hours and 40 minutes later than usual. When I say I feel like the worst mom in the entire world, its an understatement. All day long I pondered thoughts like "I bet he is extra tired today," or "I hope his schedule isn't thrown off since he doesn't go straight outside when he got there." For no apparent reason did I do this today too. How ridiculous am I? I think I have my child way too spoiled or sheltered. Can't really decide. Or maybe it is because that is the only consistency and somewhat of a schedule that my baby has, ever. Well, besides The Clubhouse every Monday night with my family.

 

I struggle so hard with the life I live and the life I want to live. I think a good mom is someone who is organized, detailed, on time, and on top of things. Do you have any earthly idea how hard that is to do? Well, I do and I wish it weren't. All I want is to be that cute mom that is done up everywhere she goes, with dinner ready on the stove, and a planner that is detailed to the core. Instead, I am the opposite. Yoga pants and the "Pink" collection consume my entire wardrobe, frozen pizzas are sufficient, and I have four planners posted all over my house that all have something different written on them. My mind is like grand central station, 24/7.

 

I absolutely love to blog simply because I can sit here and go on and on and not feel guilty about it. Life is way too short to be worried all the time. So I express it all here. Being a mom really is the best thing (feeling, opportunity, privilege, gift, blessing) in the whole entire world. And that much won't ever change! Count your blessings y'all, God is so good!

   

Why?

Why do people go looking for things that they know will hurt them? Why is it so hard to decide what someone wants in their life? Why do people purposely offend others? What happened to this world?

I have always had this mother instinct in me that really is unexplainable. I feel like my 14 year old brother is my son. I am 22 for the love of God, I'm not that old. I have such a passion for helping people it really doesn't make sense to me (most of the time). I can't fix everyone's problems but for some reason I think I can. All the while, I'm ignoring my own. I just don't understand how one person can take on such a load and not be crushed. I don't get it. Why can't I fix everyone's problems? Why are there no answers but everyone spends all of their life searching for them? Why am I questioning everything right now? In a discussion post this woman said if you believe in heaven and God you lose nothing, if you don't believe in heaven and God, and the two are real, you lose everything. How true is that?! I am watching a family that I love dearly suffer so bad and in such a hardship that I am truly questioning Gods work. I don't know if that is something I should admit publically but it's happening, right now. I want to make it all better for them, I want to comfort them, I want to promise them that everything is going to be okay, but I don't know if that's the case. I know there is always someone out there who has it worse but that does not in any way, make this justifiable. I guess when you're in doubt and have no idea what to do you get on your knees and pray. Pray to God. For hope, help, and strength. The power of prayer works, this much I do know. 


I forgot how amazing it is to reconcile with friends. Those 30 minute phone calls about absolutely nothing might just be my absolute favorite thing in the entire world.

Yesterday marked two years or 740 days without my beautiful, sassy, true lovin gran. I hate you cancer.

I know God works in mysterious ways but this girl needs to know why. Pronto.


X, Ashley!

Picture OVERLOAD!

If you haven't taken philosophy yet, you're hands down the luckiest soul in the universe. I hate this class. I don't care what Socrates thinks, thought, theorizes, or believes. Someone save me, PLEASE!

Anyways, I turned the BIG (yes, BIG) 22 last Tuesday. I had such a fun-filled day, week, and weekend. I wanted so badly to go to Olive Garden because their salad is just to die for but nobody else thought that way. We ended up going to Smokey Bones, and by we I mean 18 of us. I just adore my family, they're perfect!

My favorite place in the entire world!

Best apps ever!

Drinks were on my amazing waiter!

My baby made it on blue for his mommas birthday!



My dad thought it would be funny to give me my registration as a way to show that he buys things for me everyday!

roses and the cutest card from sweet boy

X's instead of K's

Rylie NICOLE :)

Long Island Iced Tea.... my favorite!

My two favorite people!

Karson RAY :)

sweet babies!

cousins!

Aunt and Uncle

Gran- AKA my rock!

Cheryl Dene

Daddy

I touched the nasty "thing"

Such a great uncle

Rikkardd.. love this boy!

E-dub... he hates me! HAHA

babydaddy!!!



my sweet momma!

Since I truly have the best family in the entire world, my birthday was so special and my weekend was just amazing. Every year, traditionally all the girls in the family go to the beach for Mother's Day weekend. Just girls, no guys, no children, no distractions. We get there Friday morning and don't come home until Sunday night. All of the families and spouses and friends come out to the beach on Sunday morning and spend Mother's Day with us moms. It is seriously just awesome. My family is the cutest bunch of gals I know. We all decorate our room with a theme that must have an alcoholic beverage to go along with it. With 6 rooms rented and the suite, it was literally impossible to take a picture of every room, especially when the alcohol started being served. My rooms theme was "The Funny Farm." We all dressed up, decorated, and totally just enjoyed ourselves.

my view!

"The Funny Farm"

 

The "G.R.I.T.S" Room

 

 

 

How adorable are we, right?!

 

 

 

Well there ya go folks, that week is going down in the books. FOR SURE!

 

 

 

XXXXXXX and OOOOOO

Ash!