Free

It's been awhile, and I don't know why. Maybe it's the moving, unpacking, and drastic life changes or maybe, just maybe it's because my thoughts could kill me. 

Not knowing what to do in life and where to go is hard, but it's even harder when you're deciding for two. I don't know what I want, or who I'm supposed to be, or what to even think right now. But, I do know one thing, my child has showed me no matter what I did or will do he will always be my biggest fan. I love that little boy, more than humanly possible. 

It drives me crazy that I'm so hard headed. I swear I know what I want, who I am, and what to be like, when in reality I sure as heck don't. I make permanent decisions on temporary circumstances and I hurt, actually destroy, people along the way. I feel like that is all I know how to do. It's terrible and most definitely unintentional. I don't know how to fix it but I know I can't live with the regret bottled in me any longer. I'm publicly saying sorry to all of the people that I owe it to, and I really should be saying more.   

I don't know what I want and never have. But I do know what love is and I know what it is supposed to feel like. In a way I feel free from all the negativity, drama, and bitterness but in a way I also feel so utterly lost. 

Life changes everyday. And waits for no one. 

Timing really is everything. 

All the best,

Ash