Did you know shooting stars are real? Did you know that after a few doubts, a ton of negative thoughts, and slight desperation I begged God to send me a sign that everything was okay- and yes, that Ryan was meant for me. Did you know Monday night Ry and I were holding hands and we look up in the sky and both see a shooting star and look at each other and say "did you see that?" (Okay well mine was more of a "OKAY DID YOU JUST SEE THAT? I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW SHOOTING STARS WERE REAL"). Faith? Luck? Or God? Call it whatever you want but you can bet your bottom dollar I will never doubt us again.
Speaking of dollar... Is it true $2 bills are good luck? About a month ago I received 5 $2 bills from my brother-in-law and 2 hours later Ryan asked me to be his girlfriend "officially." Guess what's still in my wallet?
You know how you know if you really love someone? When you fall in love with them as a whole. Like how can I love someone in such a short time especially when I am still learning new things about him? Easy, there's not a single thing that could make me love him more. You accept everything you learn and every new thing you discover, good or bad. It's who they are and they are who you love.
I've got nothing but good feedback and sweet words from almost every single person (especially those who have met him) about my new relationship... But then there's the select few. Those select few who have tested me, made me doubt my relationship, and shaken my new found faith.
Here's what I have concluded. If your honest opinion of my relationship is that I am a rebound, he is desperate because I have a baby, and I'm obsessed well you're wrong about all 3. "When you love your decisions you don't need others to approve of them" okay, right. And also, you don't know what I feel on an everyday basis, you don't know how lucky I feel, and you most certainly don't know the first thing about a "girl with a baby." (I prefer woman with a child btw) :)
Unfortunately that's not all I have to say about that... Let me explain something. Well three things. A rebound is generally someone that you use, correct? You don't invest time, money, commitment, and feelings into someone that you are using for your personal sake. You're not concerned about someone's well being, building relationships, (with family members and children) bringing your "rebound" around your family.. And the list continues. And by god let me tell you something.. If this is what being Ryan's "rebound" is like I can't imagine what being his girlfriend is like. Oh wait, I am. :)
This whole "he must be desperate to be with a girl with a baby" thought is accurate, especially for someone on the outside looking in. But accuracy can easily be conflicted with facts. A child is Gods greatest gift to earth blah blah the whole 9 yards..... But really though, a child is a gift. Ryan is a "winner" because not only does he get a "girl" who can love beyond measurable doubt, feel compassion beyond the imaginable mind, and someone who is so unselfishly giving but he also gets a little boy raised by a woman who carries those traits. Continue......?
Obsessed. Me obsessed with Ryan? Maybe. Possibly. I can see that assumption. But be careful before you go accusing. You still make an ass out of yourself either way. Don't confuse commitment with obsession. I'm committed to staying true to my feelings and never settling for a feather shy of what I deserve. I am obsessed with this life I live. I am obsessed with the way Ryan makes me feel and the world I Iive in. I'm obsessed with his effort at being a good boyfriend and "male figure" to my little boy. Don't get me wrong, I'm obsessed with his looks too. But believe me when I tell you they are just a bonus. How he is with me trumps what he looks like to me. If you're gonna say I'm obsessed with my boyfriend, make sure you know just how so. Oh, I'm obsessed with myself and my Kayman too. Don't sell me short ;)
Did I have to "explain" myself or my reasons....... No. But I so desperately wanted to. Why take it out on my boyfriend and doubt who we are because of the crappy people you (some of you) are? Continue to talk, I kind of admire how much you pay attention to me :)
It doesn't matter how broken you are. How horrible your past is. How in love you think you are. How you know for a fact you found your soulmate. I'm completely, utterly, undeniably CONFIDENT that you will meet at least someone once in your life that will come in and make you question everything you swore you knew. Someone that can make you think twice and even allow you to admit you're wrong. Wait for it. Every single person deserves this kind of man, these kinds of feelings, and answered prayers from the good Lord. But first you must have patience. You must understand that time takes time and while you so frustratingly figure this out learn how to love yourself in the process. Don't ever expect a man to love you when you can't even love yourself.
I don't mean looks. Could I be skinnier? Yes. HELL yes. And I'm working on that. Love your soul. Love your broken heart so the pieces are lovable for someone else. People suck sometimes. They take advantage of the undeserving. They assume that person will always be there so they do whatever they want to that person. While I can't stand dealing with a heart I didn't break I can't help but love every broken piece of his heart. I can't help but want to be better and love him more than he knew possible. Find that person who can be that for you and just maybe you'll find yourself being that person for them. Anyone can love anyone. There's all kinds of love. But never the same love twice. Which is why I whole heartedly believe that you can be moved on from someone but still love them. Even when you love someone else. Different kinds of love... Explained perfectly.
My blogs would be so much more personal if I didn't constantly use Ryan's name but I just can't do that. He is the reason I am the person I am. He is to thank for the Ashley I've always wanted to be.
Wait for your Ryan y'all. Just trust me <3
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